Also I’m coming close to the end of my time here. Been quite busy at work, partly the reason for lack of posting. The other contributing factor is that simply, and sadly, I’m less concerned with the larger picture here, and more concerned with getting my work straightened out and wrapped up.
I’m less vested. That can be expected, partly as I’m trying to distance myself from this place and avoid thinking about actually leaving. Subconsciously, I think that it’ll be easier to leave all the wonderful folks I’ve met and become dear friends with that way. But, since I haven’t finalized my departure, it hasn’t really set in yet. I kind of don’t want it to set in, that realization that I’m leaving and moving on. I’d rather avoid that moment, and just find myself all of the sudden not here.
I’m ready to leave, at least for now and for a while. (At lunch today we were trying to figure out a term for “post-burnout”…) As for the work close-down things, that’s all old-hat now, as we’ve been through it a few time. But this time, there is a slightly different twist. I know I’m leaving. One of the cooks, all of whom I’ve become good friends with (we’re all around the same age and speak a common language comfortably), asked me if/when I was leaving. His older brother later asked me the same thing. Though we talked about it a bit, and that it was certain, I told them I didn’t really want to talk about it. As I’m often their venting point, I feel like I’m abandoning them. More than that, we all know that it’s likely a permanent goodbye, unlike the friends back home or in the West, who I’ll always have at least a chance to visit again.
But as I told them, I still don’t haven’t booked a ticket out of this place. And I’ll need that to go the distance.